blinds on my eyes

 it seems strange to say that I am a cold girl

with a frozen heart, me against the world

That I'm distant even so close

too afraid to fail, too afraid to lose

it seems strange because I no longer feel it in me

no more blinds on my eyes, I can actually see

it feels weird because I feel strong and alive

I can feel the road, the wind, and the drive

But I am afraid that one day winter will return

And that I will have had so little time to learn

Afraid that you will not be prepared

And leaving me will seem fair

I feel like I'm living on the good days

wondering if this is just a phase

Having you it's like my place in the sun.

But I love you still when I'm on my moon

inside close walls

tall and unreachable

made her feel small

and her feel predictable

there's no way above, 

no way around,

and a strict of self-love

tells her to dig the ground

And so she did,

for days and years counting

through tunnels, she kept on walking

until she feels the heart pumping

with fear of emerging

and still, be in that fucking house

 It tickles my feet

it almost makes me laugh

How do I make you feel?

like a storm or like a draft?

I'm aware of all this darkness

That makes it harder to fight

But sometimes I still remember

How the stars shine brighter at night

I turned my pain poetic, 

even if it already was

And I feel stronger than ever

But this fear feels like a lost

 kill me with fire

see my eyes and let them melt

drowning in despair or desire

what an odd way to go

if I just die in fire

I feel tired, oh so tired

and the light is dim as hell

sometimes I just wish to feel

something else

like the rain pouring down my soul

like the wind dragging the dust away

sometimes I just wish

It could have been another way

but it was not and there is no point on waiting

my soul is not old but is decaying 

with an unpromised love from my father

I'm pitty for this girl, wish I wasn't her